Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
