don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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