I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
