Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
