just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
