She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
