Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
