why didn't you poke me back
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
