i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
