I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
