If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
