Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize