what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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