I puked a lego.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
