So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
