Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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