sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
