Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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