let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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