I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
