I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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