I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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