I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
