I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
