you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
