somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
