You're completely useless in the revolution.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
