My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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