i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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