he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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