to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
