She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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