bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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