The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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