omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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