Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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