I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
