I can text with my tongue
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
