I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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