Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
