last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
