the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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