I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
