Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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