I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
