I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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