Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
