Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
