Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
