A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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