Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
