The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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