Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
