I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
