So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
