I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
