Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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