The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
