i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
