I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
