I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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