she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
