I will die if light touches me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
