some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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