How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
