its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
