All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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