ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
