i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
