I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
