i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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