I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm at about main and main street
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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