I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
