I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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