Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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