you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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