Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
