so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
