Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
