you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
