What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
