is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
