I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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