Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
