i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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