3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I could make wine with my vomit
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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