Swine flu. Run for my life!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
